Narcissistic / Sociopathic Abuse: When The Mask Slips & Their True Self

In The End

Just about no one gives a fuck.

People are so focused on themselves--what THEY want and THEIR feelings that they are too goddamn selfish to think about others.  Anything beyond their damn blinders is undermined or reduced to being ignored.

Move On?

Me ex is still hurting me and hurting my son and the only thing my parents tell me is that I have to move on with my life?!  FUCK YOU.

No One's There

So what can it be? 

No one hears me call,

Echoes back at me

No ones there.

To all these nameless feelings I cant deal with in my life

To all these greedy people trying to feed on what is mine

You’ve got to fill your hunger and stop fucking with my mind.

I know its time to leave these places far behind.

"No One's There" by Korn 

Alone I Break

I am hoping I can find

where to leave my hurt behind

All this shit I seem to take

all alone I seem to break

I have lived the best I can

Does this make me not a man?

"Alone I Break" by Korn

Feeling

I feel a little bit better today but I know it is temporary.  I am exhausted mentally, physically, and spiritually.  I don't feel like doing much other than laying on the couch.  I feel somewhat lifeless.  I've been trying to get fresh air and sunlight each day but it feels futile.  My feelings weigh me down.  They are like giant demons tied to my ankles, dragging me below the surface of the water to drown.

Sometimes I Think:

I know some people tell me they care.  But they are not filling the holes that need to be filled.  It's not enough.  I still feel so empty.

No Faces

You and me we have no faces.
They don't see us anymore.
Without love as they had promised and no faith for what's in store.
Oh I wish that I could see.
How I wish that I could fly far from things that hang above me to a place where I can cry.

Sometimes I Need:

Someone to carry me because I feel so weak and overwhelmed.

Sometimes I Wish:

That I could rip apart my ex with my bare hands.

Sometimes I Think:

That my friends and family would have liked me better if I stayed and took the abuse from my ex and just killed myself instead of leaving him.

I Feel Terrible

I can't put into words how awful I feel.  All I do is suddenly break down and start to cry.  I apologize repeatedly to my husband for feeling the way I do when I really shouldn't have to. 

I'm not fine.  I'm not alright.  I'm lying to you, but that is what you want to hear because you are too uncomfortable with the truth.

I Feel Alone

I feel so alone right now.  I've lost interest in almost everything and everyone aside from my daughter and husband.  If it were not for them I would hurt myself.

It has been so hard for me to function every day.  It has been difficult even for me to leave the house for groceries.  I haven't been taking care of myself.  I've given up hope on myself.  I feel so dull, gray, cold, and empty.

I feel absolutely worthless to everyone else in this world.  No one cares what I have to say and no one can help me.  I seem to just make people feel uncomfortable and they ignore me.

I can't even talk to my own mother and father.  My sister is full of nothing but resentment for me.  None of them are the least bit interested in what I enjoy doing or have the talent to do.

My ex has done everything he can to destroy my life.  He's driven a spike between my son and I.  Our son has become self-loathing and has no self-worth.  No matter what I have done and how hard I tried to be a part of his life he doesn't want to speak to me.